


Hiraeth

by Wandering_Anima



Series: Mended Spines and Colored Pages [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Best Friends, Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Friendship, Longing, Sad, Siblings, Yearning, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28940271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandering_Anima/pseuds/Wandering_Anima
Summary: Why?That question keeps repeating in my head over and over again. Day after day. Incessantly. Just why?Is it too late now?You were my home.So why aren’t you here anymore?How the ‘we’ turned to ‘us’.Will you cure this longing and yearning?
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: Mended Spines and Colored Pages [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118270
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Hiraeth

**_Why?_ **

That question keeps repeating in my head over and over again. Day after day. Incessantly. Just  _ why? _

You were my sister. My very first family. We were not connected by blood but by our bond. You treated me more like a human than any of my blood kin ever did. I treasured you so, so much. I keep asking why you had to leave me especially when I needed you so much. What happened to ‘ _ we’. _

You with your soft, rich brown eyes, warmer than any hot cocoa. Those beautiful eyes you used to look at me with fondness, do they only hold me in disappointment and dismay now?

_ Is it too late now? _

Your hug could warm me up like a furnace, no… You were always warmer, and I would always melt into those hugs. The me who is always cold no matter how many layers I put on. The me who never had any affection. The me who was always touch-starved. I always treasured those moments, they filled up all the crevices of my brain. Perhaps I did not treasure them enough, because no matter how much I try to remember your warmth, it leaves me all the colder now that you’re not here. 

Coconut oil, ink, old books, lilac, and an earthy scent envelopes all my senses. An odd mixture of smells that I find comfort in. A home away from home. Now these scents invade my very being. A sense of longing and regret for what I’ve lost.

I could always find you in the library, your nose buried deep in a book, learning all the knowledge it had to offer. You were the brightest among us, so bright I always wondered how I had this much luck for our roads to have met. I would trade all the luck in this life and the next, if our paths would cross again. 

You strive to be the best of the best, a passion that blazed vividly even in the darkest of nights. A trait of yours I always admired, you knew what you wanted and worked for it, nail and teeth. You persevered for the future you wanted, but you never once forgot to drag us along with you. So we could also have the future we wanted, with as many possibilities open for our taking.

I had never thought to pursue anything in my life. Always told to stay in the shadows, be invisible. My own existence was unwanted, an annoyance. So there I stayed silent in the darkness to be forgotten. But, you wouldn’t have that would you. Of course not. You believed in me, that I could do it, that I could reach higher than the limits of the horizon. And you would be there every step of the way to make it possible.

You were my  _ home _ . 

You and him both.

I never had anything to call my own. 

No mother or father. 

No siblings. 

No home. 

No clothes of my own.

I wasn’t even my own person.

But it all changed when I met you guys. Someone to finally call my own. You were my friend, my sister, and my home. Always there for me.

_ So why aren’t you here anymore? _

Did I go too far, that this string that attaches us, snapped. Will it be the same if I could tie it back together? No, it wouldn’t, would it. Because this string was already broken, it can never go back to the way it was. It will always be there as a reminder of what happened. But I wouldn’t have it any other way because I hope that knot would serve as a reminder to what we went through and how we are still here. A knot that wouldn’t loosen as easily the second time. A string that will only get stronger with each wear and tear. I hope and wish for that.

When did I start to wander far from you.

**_Love_ ** **.**

It was when you fell in love. Hermione Granger and Ron Weasely. If someone had told us that in our first year, what a laugh that would have been. You two were so different, such opposites as was the day to night. But you two completed each other so well like two pieces of a puzzle made solely for one another. The complete opposites who attracted each other.

_ I wanted that. _

_ I wanted that so badly, it clawed at my very core. _

But then the trio became the duo. 

How  _ unexpected _ .

I thought it would be us three. Ron, Hermione, and Harry.  _ Always _ .

I was happy that the most two important people in my life, the only two, were well… Made for each other. Because you guys deserve the finest person there is, in my eyes you guys are the greatest people. But I just never would have guessed that it would hurt me so much.

How the ‘ _ we’  _ turned to ‘ _ us’.  _

_ It _ **_hurts._ **

The whispers that followed me like a shadow. No matter where I went, I could always hear them. 

The words shouldn’t have hurted as much as they did, but it did. Me, who was always unwanted, was scared. So I pulled away because I was scared that the more I clung on, the more you guys would pull away. So held you guys out at a distance, but when did this distance widen. I missed so many things, things I can’t ever get back. All these missed moments that won’t return because I pulled away.

It felt as if we were but acquaintances now. The loud obnoxious greetings are now replaced by mere passing ‘hellos’, the bantering and jabs replaced by civilized pleasantries. 

_ Then came the warning. _

You warned me to stay away from  **_him_ ** , told me it would only end in  _ my  _ heartbreak. How right you were, but I was too stubborn. It felt so unfair, unfair that I never had anything in this world and the two people I did have that I could finally call my own, became each others’. 

**_Why?_ **

Why? I kept asking. Why couldn’t I have that? Why was it so wrong I just wanted to have what you two had? Why weren’t you happy for me? I wanted someone to be my other missing puzzle piece. I just wanted someone to be mine, solely mine. My forever. 

I felt so **_free_ ** when I was with him. Finally free from the limits and restrictions placed upon me. That it was okay to be selfish, something so foreign to me. To come out of my shell and be me, no longer hiding. It felt as though he shattered all the bars that kept me in place. He was  **_mine._ **

_ Until he wasn’t anymore. _

I had been  _ wrong _ . 

_ It was all false. _

_ All lies. _

You were right. I should have stayed as far as I could from him, he was nothing but a mask that I fell in love with. Not a  **_person_ ** , but a mask, one out of many. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen, that I went further away when you had reached out. It was always you who reached out. You were the glue that held us together, always pulling us back together when we went too far. 

I was so naive and hopeful that it would be him, that I ignored everything. I refused to see anything else besides what he wanted. So enamored with this illusion I forgot reality. The reality where you guys were, the real one.

I just didn’t think that this heartbreak you warned me about would feel so physical. Like the sharp inhale of frigid air on the highest mountain top. Or the feeling of an icicle puncturing my heart, it felt so, so cold. That I wish I had you to embrace me again, the feeling of your warmth, this warmth that could melt away even the numbness. 

You were the glue I needed to mend the broken pieces of myself, but you were nowhere in sight. And I was scared that if I had tried to seek you out, that you would reject me, even the smallest possibility of it terrified me. I just couldn’t, I couldn’t. Because I was at my lowest, after all I have struggled through in my life, I was at the lowest point, I didn’t even know was possible. If you had turned me away then, these broken pieces would have turned to dust, only to be scattered away with the wind. Then I would be nothing, I would no longer cease to exist.

I know I was weak then, so fragile and malleable. But not anymore. Would you be proud of me now? 

Proud that I was able to bring myself back together. I felt so miserable at having dealt a bad hand in life, wallowing in self pity. But you know I don’t regret it, having fallen in love with him even if it was all lies because I didn’t leave with my heart broken, no I also left with other valuable things. 

I always held people at a distance. Always afraid to make the first move, fearing the worst to come. Now, I’ll take those first steps, how many chances have I lost because  _ I  _ have not been the one to offer my hand. 

I will no longer stay cocooned in this shell of mine. I never took my life choices into my own hands, always going along with the next step that laid in front of me, accepting everything that happened to me, never going against the tides. I always depended on you guys, but now I wish to be the one someone would depend on. I want to be capable enough to be someone’s person. 

I have tasted freedom, no matter how brief it may have been or false, and I will not let go of it anymore. I’m tired of waiting and wallowing. I will no longer take this easy road in front me, I will take the winding paths, the crossroads, and detours from now on.

I wish we hadn’t been so stubborn and prideful, waiting around for the other to concede first, to be proven correct. I only wish that this may not be the end. That if I pulled back the strings that tie us, would you feel the tug. Would you be willing to accept me now, the person that I have become. 

_ I wish to say goodbye. _

A goodbye to this mess we have found ourselves entangled in. Undoing it will take time, but I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. There are many things I am willing to let go, to grow as a person. Although I find myself unwilling to let go of you guys. My very first family and home. I yearn to come back to your embrace. I wish to hear your voices again. Am I being too selfish? Is it so wrong if I am? I am willing to grab and claw at any chance that it could rekindle this ember.

So will you once again open your arms when I come back? To let me come home away from this frosty rain. To let me warm up by the fireplace, that will never burn out again, never be mere sparks again leaving behind smoldering cinders. Will you be willing to fuel this fire again with me. An eternal fire never to go out.

Will you cure this longing and yearning?

Welcome me back home?

_ Please end my hiraeth. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!! ヾ(´∇｀○)
> 
> There were some questions about from whose POV these were written from last time. It's all from Harry's POV. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well. Thank you so much for the support as well.❣╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯❣


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